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Parent Concerns about Splendid Academy

Posted by on Jan 23, 2013 in News | 7 comments

Dear Splendid Academy Students, Parents, and Staff,

It had come to my attention that at least a few of our dear parents are concerned by some of the educational and nutritional practices we adhere to at Splendid Academy. I received the following email from one concerned parent, who for some reason, would not leave her name. Although normally I would ignore anonymous correspondence, since our school is actively recruiting new students I thought it would be best to address these concerns here – and “nip the problem in the bud,” as they say.

Here is the email:

“While i believe this school is a wonderful place for my child to learn, i do have some complaints. First of all, my daughter had been telling me that you feed them things at lunch and breakfast that are extremely fatty and unhealthy. She also told me that they have two snack periods and they are fed large bowls of candy each. Secondly, I have confirmed with other parents on my street that they are allowed to go out of class whenever they please. I would be thankful if you would make them stay in class and actually learn. Thank you very much.”

First off, Anonymous, thank you for the lovely compliments to our school! I think our current crop of students includes some of the most delightful young people ever to walk through the doors of any Splendid Academy in all the years of my work. They are hungry for knowledge… and, unfortunately, some of them are hungry for decent meals, as well.

I will say it bluntly: The American diet is not enough for the growing minds of these young ones. The pre-prepared, TV-style dinners they are often supplied with at home does little to whet their appetites… or grow them into their full potential. The menus here at Splendid are specially formulated to help each child reach his or her pinnacle of health and perfect weight, far sooner than if they were left to forage for decent meals in their pantries at home. If some of them ask for more, it’s because their little bodies are telling them they need more. Sometimes, much more.

Honestly? I weep when I see how thin some of our poor students are. It may take months before they have enough meat on their bones to rival their peers.

Now, the candy to which you refer is, I believe, used as a motivational teaching tool to keep kids at their desks, engaged – and sometimes even used as manipulatives for math lessons! And learners who are classified as “kinesthetic,” who need to move, find they think better when their little jaws are crunch crunch crunching their way through bowls of candy while they focus. One of our finest teachers, Ms. Morrigan, assures me that the candy is helping keep kids in their desks – and at work. So, rest your mind.

As to your concern about kids leaving our building without permission? Please. Do you think for one second I would let a single, tender, growing child out of my sight? Perish the thought! This school is our garden, let us say, and your children are the vegetables we are assiduously cultivating. Without them, our whole staff – our whole society – would starve! Be assured, we are watching all the children at Splendid Academy very, very carefully.

Yours,

Principal Trapp

 

 

New Playground Equipment for Splendid Academy!

Posted by on Sep 23, 2012 in News | 6 comments

Dear Students (and Prospective Students),

It has come to my attention that while our playground here at Splendid may indeed be – well,  splendid! – a few new equipment purchases may be in order. This week, dear Ms. Morrigan has taken time from her menu-planning duties to help select the following, to be installed as soon as they arrive:

1. A race track around the entire playground, complete with miniature, motorized go-carts. And helmets, of course!

2. A twenty-foot Ferris wheel, with padded seats, strobe-effect lights, and an iPod dock to pump your favorite tunes into each carriage as you ride and snack.

3. An “Angry Birds” course, where students will take turns using an enormous slingshot to catapult stuffed birds into piles of Styrofoam pig boulders.

4. A vending machine stocked with all the major brands of candy bars – served slightly chilled for a refreshing outdoor snack!

We have heard several requests for jet packs, but as we have not yet found a supplier who can provide adequate safety harnesses, we will delay that purchase.

Thank you to Cory, Josh, Drew, Caiden, Ella, Emma, and all the other children who took valuable time to provide input so we can be even more splendid! Each of you has won a free week’s worth of swan-shaped éclairs to take home, available for pick-up in the cafeteria of Splendid Academy. (They’re irresistibly delicious. Ask Vasalisa to pack you a few extra if you find yourself at all hungry. Remember, hungry children aren’t happy learners!)

Bon Appétit,

Principal Trapp

Promotional Video

Posted by on Sep 8, 2012 in News | 2 comments

All our students love Splendid Academy so, to spread the word, we’ve commissioned a little commercial for the school. I’m not completely sure that it projects quite the message we intended but what do you think?



Ms. Morrigan’s Guest Post: A Gourmet Beginning!

Posted by on Aug 25, 2012 in News | 8 comments

Hello, Students!

I am Ms. Morrigan, on staff here at Splendid Academy both as a teacher and cafeteria coordinator! I was delighted to hear that dear Principal Trapp had solicited your input for our opening menus in the Splendid Cafeteria – and that you all gave such excellent suggestions.

This week, I will instruct the kitchen staff to add your amazing favorite foods to our kitchens. If the foods are popular with the other students, they may stay on the menu… indefinitely!

Thanks to you, in addition to our normal breakfast selections of custom omelets, scrambled eggs with cheese, buttered toast, french toast, rashers of bacon, ham, spicy and mild sausages, cinnamon bread, pancakes, waffles, and sugar-dipped raspberries, we will also delight in the following:

Monday – Banana Nutella crepes (suggested by Robin)

Tuesday – Whipped cream à la Morrigan, garnished with Fraises Sauvages (Merci beaucoup, Mme. Kathy Duval!)

Wednesday – Cinnamon rolls with cinnamon cream cheese frosting (Enough cinnamon for you, Alicia Marie?)

Thursday – Chocolate-covered donuts with ice cream, whipped cream, and a cherry on top (I approve, Griffin!)

Friday, or “Eat Dessert First” Day – Lemon bars with powdered sugar and Chocolate Snowquake cookies! (Thanks to Beckett and Jenna for helping add a new tradition to Splendid Academy! Dessert First Fridays will be a huge hit, I know!)

What a splendid start to a new school year. Does your new school cafeteria have a menu to rival ours? No? Well, consider signing up for Splendid Academy today! Just like desserts, we always have room for more.

Bon Appétit!

Ms. Morrigan

Next week… lunch menu additions!

All our breakfasts are All You Can Eat!

 

Menu Planning at Splendid Academy

Posted by on Aug 6, 2012 in News | 35 comments

Dear prospective students,

I am thrilled beyond words to inform you that our cafeteria is almost finished, thanks to our amazing construction team! And now, two weeks until the first day of school, I have a small favor to ask of you.

Our own hard-working Ms. Morrigan has been whipping up recipe after recipe, trying to put together the school cafeteria menu for the first week. She’s always had a sweet tooth, of course, so most of the recipes involve vast quantities of fine Belgian chocolate and powdered sugar, but she wants to make certain we include dishes from all of our students’ favorites lists.

And so, we come to the favor I must ask you. Will you please leave a comment below, indicating which food is your favorite in the world? No, not what your mother wishes were your favorite, or which food is best for you – we want to know what food, if served in our new cafeteria, cooked perfectly, would make you want to never stop eating!

We’ll be posting the menus in a few weeks, so check back in to see if your favorite made the cut. And make sure your parents have signed you up for Splendid Academy. Although, between us, there’s always room for one more sweet child in our very special school.

Your Friend,

Principal Trapp

 

A sneak peek at one of the many breakfast items we'll have on the first day!

 

 

Misinformed Publication

Posted by on Feb 18, 2012 in News | 0 comments

It has come to our attention that a book claiming to tell the story of Splendid Academy is to be published on August 21st, 2012 by Razorbill. We would like to state unequivocally that this book is obviously a work of fiction since none of our highly professional and loyal staff has had any dealings with the author, a Ms. Nikki Loftin.

The Sinister Sweetness of Splendid Academy

Parents are strongly encouraged to avoid letting their children read this book and, instead, use the information provided on our official web site to gauge the quality of our esteemed school.